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  She looked straight into my soul, this soft expression on her pretty face. Then she nodded. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  “That’s all I’m asking.” I smiled, trying not to show the triumph I felt.

  “Tosh?” She bit her lip. Her demeanor completely changed, and it looked a lot like the way my girlfriend looked at me.

  I gulped. “Uh, yeah?”

  “You really don’t want me to get hurt?”

  “Of course not.” What else could I say? She may have been a cold person, but I wouldn’t want anyone hurt.

  “Why not? I haven’t been very nice to you.”

  I sighed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that no one is who they seem to be. You have your reasons, even if I don’t get them.”

  She nodded slowly, leaning toward me. “Can I check something?”

  “What?” I pulled back. Why was my heart pounding all of a sudden? And was she looking at my lips? No, impossible.

  She rolled her eyes. “Can I or not? It’s really important.”

  “Um, sure?” Maybe I was too curious. Maybe I wasn’t quite over those devastatingly blue eyes. I knew I should have said no, but I honestly didn’t think she’d do what she did.

  Courtney grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me before I had time to react. I didn’t close my eyes—I was too shocked. She moved her lips over mine like she really wanted me, but it felt weird. Wrong. What was she doing? Did she actually like me? I pulled back the second I had control over my mind.

  I stared at her, and she searched my eyes for something I couldn’t guess. Then she started to cry. I finally regained speech. “What the hell?”

  “Kono ama!” Amy screamed. It was only then that I realized she stood just feet away, hatred burning up her porcelain face. She’d seen it. I couldn’t swallow. Why did she have to see? A string a Japanese insults flowed from her lips as she closed the gap and grabbed Courtney’s hair. “Is one boyfriend not enough for you?”

  “Let go!” Courtney burst into tears—real tears over how I reacted to her kiss—as she tried to pry Amy’s fingers from her hair. I felt terrible and I wasn’t thinking straight.

  “Amy, let her go!”

  The second I spoke, I regretted it. Amy stopped, but she stared at me as her eyes filled with hurt. She backed up a few paces, shaking her head. “So this is how it is, huh? Fine!”

  “Amy! Wait!” She bolted out the door, and I jumped over Courtney to follow her. I could barely process what had happened. All I could feel as I chased her up the street was pain. We were already hanging on by a thread. She hated Courtney, and now I was never getting her back.

  Amy ran like there was a pack of wolves behind her. I had to sprint to keep up. After about a mile she finally started to slow down, so I forced my legs to keep going. I closed in and grabbed her arm.

  “Don’t touch me!” she screamed. Several people on the street looked over, so I let go.

  “I didn’t kiss back! I pulled away—didn’t you see that?” I didn’t know why I was defending myself, but it was the first thing that came out. I was pissed off at Courtney for messing everything up, at myself for not expecting it, at Amy for not understanding.

  “It still happened! You should have pushed her off faster!” Tears spilled down her face, and I wanted to wipe them away. She grabbed her stomach. “I can’t even look at you and not see her hands on your face. Leave, okay?”

  Fear washed over me. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “We can’t do this. Remember what my parents said about being separated? Amy, you have to get over it. If we’re apart they’ll—”

  “Easy for you to say! What if you saw that, huh? What if that was me and Logan all cozy in the back?”

  I balled my fists. “First, you’re not stupid enough to fall for him. And second, I’d kill him.”

  “You wouldn’t let me kill her! Why? After everything she’s done, how can you defend her? That’s what hurt, Tosh. You didn’t defend me …” She burst into heaving sobs, pointing to herself. I hadn’t thought of it that way, and now that I did I wanted to crawl into the sewer and live with the rats. That was where I belonged.

  “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t form a sentence longer than that without crying myself. I just wanted to hold her, make it better. All I could do was watch her suffer—suffer because of me.

  “It’s not good enough, not now. Don’t follow me. I’ll show up if I can stand to look at you again.” She turned around and didn’t even look back as she took off.

  I stood there, the wind knocked out of my lungs, as she ran down the street without me. My soul ached already, a pain deep inside my cells. No, deeper. It was only when she disappeared around a corner that I realized the truth.

  This wasn’t a game or a fairy tale or even a crazy story my mom made up. I could feel the emptiness more than ever, more than I could pretend away. Amy was my soul mate. And she’d left me—maybe for good. How would I ever get my other half back? And what would happen if I didn’t?

  29

  It was pathetic, but after a few days without her I couldn’t help myself. I sat down, leaned against her locker, and pulled out my lunch. As I ate alone, my mind wandered to thoughts of how her fingers would have twisted the lock not more than five minutes ago. I reached up and touched it like that might help fill the gaping hole in my gut. It didn’t.

  I’d never been so alone. No friends. No girlfriend. I didn’t know what alone was until she refused to see me. Chemistry class was actually a treat. I could at least look at her, even if she wouldn’t talk to or sit by me. I might have collapsed from the pain otherwise.

  It burned like I’d worked out too hard. Even something as simple as eating strained my muscles. I was so weak Marty kicked my butt in training. Amy hadn’t even shown up. I refused to spar with Courtney, so it was mostly Marty owning my face. At least he had a good time.

  I scanned the hallway for threats—I was always on the lookout for the Akuma. Did they know how easily they could get us right now? My only hope was that they couldn’t sense us because we didn’t have any kami. I still half expected Logan to show up. I was determined to prove it was him, even if my attempts so far had come up worthless.

  And if that wasn’t enough, Mom drove me insane with her pecking. For some reason she thought I could force Amy to come back, like she’d forced us to torture someone. That wouldn’t have done any good. Dad was right. If our hearts weren’t in it, then the kami barely came. We had problems staying connected before Courtney. I couldn’t force Amy to be with me.

  Clacking heels broke my silent misery. I looked up, immediately wishing I hadn’t. If Courtney came over here and tried to talk to me, I’d lose it.

  She sat next to me, and I moved away. “Leave.”

  “Can I say something?” Her voice was cold. What right did she have to be angry?

  “No. You jacked up my whole life. I don’t give a shit about what you have to say.” I stood up, unable to be that close without exploding.

  “But—”

  “No!” I slammed my fist into a locker, trying to hide how much pain I was in. “If you’re trying to apologize, I don’t accept it. If you’re trying to explain, I don’t want to know. And if you’re trying to comfort me, I don’t need your pity. You have no idea what you did—what you ruined. Go.”

  Her features pulled into a deep scowl. She stood up. “Fine. Forgive me for thinking you might need someone to talk to. I’ll save my sympathy next time.”

  “Sympathy? Sympathy?” I balled my fists so I wouldn’t hit something again. “Trust me, I don’t need it. I don’t need anything from you.”

  She shook her head, only acting hurt for a split second. “Why did I think you were anything more than your average asshole?”

  “That’s right, Logan’s a saint. How about you cuddle up to him and leave me the hell alone?” I sat down again, hoping she’d get the picture. Her heels clacked back down the empty hall, echoing like gunshots. I finished off
my food, wishing I could talk to Amy. No one else mattered until then.

  When I got home from school, I immediately suited up in my gi and went down to the dojo. I was still afraid to talk to Dad, but without kami at least I didn’t put him in pain. Helping him with the after school classes was the only thing that kept me from moping around.

  We had white belts at three, most of which were around five or six. I helped Dad demonstrate the first kata. They were always fun to teach—so obedient and eager to learn. By the time they hit green belt and up, half the class would stop caring. They’d slowly quit until we were left with the serious fighters, who’d usually get to brown belt or higher.

  There was one little girl who reminded me of Amy. She was tanner, but those stubby pigtails were identical to Amy’s when she was young. And the fire in her eyes…my heart shriveled into a prune. It hurt so bad I grabbed at my chest.

  “Toshiro, rest in the back,” my dad said.

  I did as I was told, unable to argue. The pain had gotten worse every day, not better. I went to the back and sprawled out on the mat. Taking in deep breaths, I closed my eyes to meditate, to push the pain out of my mind. I’d taken myself deep into thought when the door shut softly, probably my dad taking his break between classes.

  “I heard what you said to the devil.” Her voice sounded angelic after so long. I shot up, hardly able to believe my eyes. Amy was there—right in front of me—dressed in jeans and a hoodie. Her eyes were filled with sadness, but I couldn’t help smiling. My heart felt right, the ache in my body slowly waning.

  “You did?” All I wanted to do was hold her, but I didn’t dare go over. She seemed like a timid rabbit, waiting for an opportunity to bolt.

  “I forgot to grab a book I needed. I heard you yelling, so I stopped and listened.” She took a few steps closer. I forced myself not to get up and do the same.

  Nodding, I forced the lump in my throat down. “I miss you.”

  She came closer, sat right next to me, and touched my arm with her graceful fingers. “I miss you, too.”

  “Amy, I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t take it any longer, so I grabbed her hand with both of mine. I ran my fingers over her palm, absorbing the sensation. The slightest glow emanated from our skin, just enough to prove we were still connected whether we wanted it or not.

  She pulled her hand away slowly. “I know, I really do, but this won’t fix itself overnight, okay?”

  “Is there anything I can do?” I wanted her back all the way. Like it was before we ever found out about the Akuma or Saburau or Inyo.

  She offered the smallest smile. “Not unless you can erase memories or turn back time.”

  I sighed—if only—but then I had an idea. “How about I defend you like I should?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “And how would you do that?”

  “C’mon.” I headed for the front room. Dad would know the best way to handle this. He was saying goodbye to the white belts, but came over when he saw me. “We need to talk to you.”

  He hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. “In the office.”

  Dad sat at his small desk, staring warily. At least I understood why he acted that way now, even if it still hurt. Amy and I took the two wooden chairs. She didn’t sit close, but I would take a foot apart over the last few days in a heartbeat.

  “What do you need, son?”

  I gulped as the issue pressed down on my chest. I didn’t know if he would help us or if he even could. He seemed to listen to Mom like everyone else did. And he couldn’t train us anymore—it would be painful and risky.

  “Toshiro?”

  “Um…we don’t want to be Saburau.” I’d been terrified to tell Mom, but her wrath couldn’t be worse than losing Amy. I’d stand up to a Saburau Master if it meant making things right between us. “Mom made us torture that Akuma we caught, and we won’t use our relationship like that. It’s ours, not the Saburau’s.”

  I’m pretty sure that was the first time I’d seen genuine shock on my dad’s face. His lids stretched wide as his eyes darted back and forth between us. But Amy smiled—a real smile.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  Dad nodded. “If the Saburau are damaging your connection, then you shouldn’t join them. But this won’t go over well.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. He supported us. I hoped for that, but I didn’t think he would with the way things had been. “Do you have any tips on how to break the news to Mom?”

  He laughed. My father, the ex-Akuma, laughed. Then he shook his head. “A sleeping tigress will be angry no matter how you wake her.”

  I sighed. Awesome advice. “You don’t have any tiger treats, do you? Or maybe a tree we can climb?”

  He folded his arms and pursed his lips as he thought. “Excellent sushi.”

  “We can work with that. C’mon.” Amy motioned for me to follow her. “I know where to get tiger treats.”

  For one second, Dad’s face softened and I could see the real him again. Somehow, I knew he was proud of me. “Thanks, Dad.”

  He shook his head, probably knowing the sushi would barely help. Still, it was better than nothing. We went to the garage. I hopped on my bike, and Amy took my Mom’s.

  “Kabuto’s isn’t too far. My treat,” she said, looking as shy as she had the day she asked to study with me. “Thanks for doing this.”

  “I should have done it that night. Maybe things would have gone differently.”

  We steered out to the sidewalk and started on our way. With Amy close, pedaling up the hills wasn’t so terrible. I felt alive for the first time since she left. She bought a ton of sushi—enough for ten competitive eaters. She claimed we could share if we needed. The dojo always seemed to have a few Saburau visitors these days.

  We parked the bikes and headed upstairs. Mom was watching TV and talking on her cell in hurried Japanese.

  “Mom, we got sushi for dinner.”

  Her face went from serious to pleasant. Perhaps the sushi would help more than I thought. She followed us into the kitchen, finishing her phone conversation. “We have a suspect we’d like you to test—a parent who seems to hang out at the dojo more often than usual.”

  “That doesn’t sound like much of a lead. What about Logan?” She’d brushed me off before, but I wasn’t about to give up the idea. It was a decent possibility—better than some random parent who liked to watch their kid practice.

  She shook her head. “Not a factor. Courtney is too smart and experienced. Now, if you two kiss in front of this guy, we’d know if he’s an issue.”

  I clenched my jaw, angry that my thoughts got ignored yet again. How could she trust Courtney over me? “So, you want us to play bait?”

  “Exactly.” She went to get some plates.

  I didn’t like this scenario any more than the torture. We’d be in serious danger, and it might not even work. “What if they planned this? They could be using us to set a trap for you guys.”

  “That’s irrelevant,” she said. “You’re prepared to fight if it is a trap, and so is your father. There’s backup in the area.” She started eating, not a drop of worry on her face.

  Amy and I exchanged glances.

  I didn’t understand my mother anymore. I knew she loved me, but she treated me like I was disposable. How could she protect me from her life all these years and then throw me under the bus? Either she was pretending to be a loving mother, or she had far more faith in me than I deserved.

  “If one of us gets attacked by this guy, we’ll both get hurt. We’d be running a huge risk. Don’t you think backup is a little late at that point?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Don’t get hurt, then. You will do this for us.”

  There was her command—strong and forceful like a tiger growl. She was used to everyone following her orders regardless of the consequences. That was how Clans worked. I took a deep breath, ready to stand up for Amy’s sake.

  “No, we won’t.” I stood as tall as I
could, preparing for who knows what. I’d never said no to my mother. She stopped eating and stared at me. Amy took my hand. I squeezed it tight, treasuring the touch I’d missed so much.

  “Excuse me?”

  “We aren’t Saburau, Mom. And we don’t plan on being Saburau. We’ll give you all the information and help we can, but we’re not taking orders.” I couldn’t believe how strong I sounded, because I sure didn’t feel strong. Inside I quaked when my mom stood up from the table, scowling.

  “And why, may I ask, have you decided this?”

  “Because you want to use our relationship like a weapon! We won’t be torture tools or bait unless we decide it. Not you.”

  “You think I’ll allow this?” Her voice grew louder, on the brink of a yell.

  I took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “You don’t have a choice.”

  “I’m your mother! Even if you aren’t Saburau yet, have you no respect for my wishes?” Now she really was yelling, and it sounded a lot less threatening than I’d imagined.

  “Not these wishes.” This was too important.

  “Fine!” She threw her hands in the air and walked out of the room. The front door slammed.

  “Where’s she going?” Amy’s voice was weak.

  “To get my dad.” I sighed. “We don’t answer to her, but we do answer to him.” Dad was our Clan Master, and we had to do what he said. She must have really wanted us as Saburau if she planned on pulling him out of lessons. He hated that.

  The door opened, and now both my parents stood in front of us. “Tell them they must listen to me, Ken. They’re jeopardizing all of us with their selfishness!”

  I shook my head. “We’re not jeopardizing anyone! We’re willing to cooperate and help hunt the Akuma. I didn’t say we wouldn’t help! We just can’t be expected to follow orders that use our relationship in ways we don’t like. I…we barely glow after what Mom made us do. You know we got in a huge fight because of a certain Saburau. Now we’re so weak I can’t even beat Marty.”

  I looked down. My parents knew too much about our relationship. Kissing Amy had been the best thing in my life. Now I wondered if I’d ever get to again, or if it would ever be as great as it was at first.